My Life 365: Day 8

Whats the big rush, these days, for everything to be so instant? Everything is right there at our fingertips, and I think its keeping us from actually BEING in the moment of life. Take a picture and automatically post it to instagram. Check in at a restaurant on Facebook. Keep tabs on a hockey game or an election on Twitter. Obviously there are things that its really nice to have instantaneously, like weather reports, traffic reports and so on, information that its good to have at our fingertips, and can help us plan and execute our day in a productive way.

But I don't know about all the rest.

I've been trying to spend less time on my phone and on my computer. Truth be told, I don't spend much time on my computer at all, its mostly my phone, and it's never out of reach.  Its been good for me. But I use my time staring into my phone for good, too. I am in constant contact with the circle of women that hold me up, and for whom I do the same...that action alone makes the world a better place. My phone is a lifeline is many ways, but it can't become a thing that sucks me in and makes me ignore the world around me.

But I think its about balance. Balancing out doing good things with technology, and the rest of the time, putting it down and concentrating on the now that you're in.

There is so much fun and beauty to be had in the now.

Ramble ramble blah blah blah

One might take a quick look at my blog and think that I fell off the face of the planet for most of February. And March. And maybe April too.

Truth be told, winter was loooong, people. And goddamnit if I didn't just about pack up my bags and hitch a ride south to warmer places. But I didn't. And we perservered. And here we are.

All indications seem to point to spring actually arriving sometime in the near future.  Yesterday was sunny, dare I say HOT even (almost 20C!) and there was some porch sitting and some cocktail drinking, and some praying that this bit of delight would keep on.

Today it's a balmy 5 degrees again, with a wind that will knock your bunnies over. (If you had bunnies.) (Which, I do.)

I don't know what kind of dark pit I fell into this winter, but it's nice to be out of it. The garlic is starting to poke it's head out of the ground, finally!  On Saturday I moved the aforementioned bunnies out of their House of Poop back into the great outdoors. We celebrated Easter Weekend with yard work, and new bicycles, and waay too much chocolate. And today I've decided to do some much needed computer work. In my chair. All day.

Yes.

So much has gone on in the past few months that I don't even know where to start. Truth be told, I had to go though my Instagram feed to remember it all. Sad.

There was a ski trip to Elicotteville, a million and a half (ok, not quite, but close) baby bunnies, lots of snow, lots of snuggles, lots of hot chocolate. And lots and lots of soap.

The One of a Kind Show was the biggest baddest thing to happen in the past few months. A soapy whirlwind of a good/exhausting time, it was a dream come true!

And then there were smashed windows, trips to Stratford, more baby bunnies, and finally, little green things popping out of the ground. The children, along with the grass, are growing like weeds.

And I don't know where I'm going with all this.

I feel like I've lost my bloggy voice over the past few months, and I'm struggling to find it again. I want to pick up my camera again, and enjoy the little things that offer so much beauty in a single shot. And then write about them. But the inspiration just hasn't been there. If I had actually blogged the number of times I had THOUGHT about blogging, this space wouldn't have been the dead zone that it has been for so many weeks.

I feel like there are SO. MANY. THINGS. trying to fight for my attention.  The children, the husband, the dog, the rabbits, the groceries, the yardwork, the soap business, my friends, my family, my community.  Plus there's the relaxation that they tell us we're supposed to be doing. The laundry we should be washing, the dishes we should be doing, blah blah blah. And the blog we should be writing. Right.

Balance. It was supposed to be my word for 2014. My "thing" that I was supposed to be finding.

So far I feel like I'm sucking at the balance thing.

I feel like there are lots of other things that I'm rocking. The soapy side of life is certainly rocking. But the rest seems to be a bit unbalanced.

I think I'm rambled out. I think I've out-rambled my welcome, even though it's my damn blog.

Maybe just writing something, anything, will help me get back in the saddle again. Who knows.

For now, I sit, and dream about summer and fresh tomatoes and summer festivals and days at the pond. And no matter how unbalanced I feel, I can sit here in this spot knowing I'm at least unbalanced in the best spot in the world. And without even asking around, I know for certain that I'm not alone.

And that's worth a lot.

(If you made it this far you deserve a freaking medal!)

xoxox

Providing.

When we decided to raise meat rabbits, rather suddenly, about a month ago, I was feeling all butch about it.

"Who is going to butcher them?" was a common question I got from curious folk.

"Oh, I will." I said with (false) confidence.

I commented earlier (on Facebook, of course) that tonight was time to "put my money (or my bunny, as the case may be) where my mouth is," and see if I was really made of the country girl fibres that I thought I was.

We got a few "practice rabbits" tonight.  We were just going to buy processed ones, and cook them up so that the kids could have a taste (we realized they've never actually eaten rabbit) but they were cheaper to buy UN-processed, and there was no time to learn like the present.

As I was getting ready to leave the house tonight (I was staring at my closet, and wondering "what the hell does one wear to butcher a rabbit?" I wasn't sure how messy the job was going to be. I settled on camo pants, a black t-shirt, and my Bludstones, in case you're wondering. I brought an apron...and my coveralls along...just in case.  Truly, I had no idea.) Steve pointed out to me as I was getting dressed that I had never intentionally killed anything larger than an earwig.  (Which is not true, I've had my fair share of mice battles in my life...but I've never done anything like this before.)  I had no idea if I could truly pull this off.

But I did.

I watched and learned the first time around, and did it on my own the second time.  From start to finish, I processed the rabbit.  Slowly, and not so gracefully, but I did it.

There are improvements to be made for the next time around - I look forward to getting a proper butcher block of some sort, and a good knife of my own, but all in all, I think I did pretty good.

It didn't hurt that I had two excellent teachers.

Two of my neighbours (one a chef, and one a wood carver) have some serious butchering time on their resume. They answered my questions, let me try stuff that I had read about.  And just having someone there that's done it made it so much easier!  I don't think either one of them thought I was going to do as well as I did, and I'm always glad to exceed expectations.

I'm proud of me too.

I'm happy and excited that this can be a viable food source for us, and now I know that I can raise my own meat from start to finish.  I feel grateful for the opportunity. I feel a little chuffed.  I feel a little butch. And I feel like I can provide.

Provide for my family, that's all that I've ever wanted to do.  In a healthy, sustainable, loving way.

On Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be a hard.  When you've been hurt, and all you can feel in your heart is anger and sadness, it can be an epic feat to push those feelings aside and find room for anything else.  However, getting through the day, even just one day, with those feelings occupying your heart is almost a harder feat than pushing them aside.  (In my opinion anyway.)  I don't have room in my heart, or in my life, for those feelings.  I've never made room for them in my life, and I won't start.  So we forgive, and we carry on, lighter in the knowing that our body and heart are once again a loving and wonderful place to be.  Forgiveness is not necessarily something that you do for another person.  You must do it for you, otherwise your life, your heart and soul will be the ones that suffer.

Go on, you'll feel better. SO MUCH better.

I do.

The cycle of life

Dear my brother, and anyone else who doesn't want to read about "feminine issues" - consider yourself warned! ;)

I've recently become slightly fascinated with women's menstrual cycles.  (OK, that sound odd.  But it's not...just hear me out!) 

Maybe it comes with self-awareness, but I've started to realize just HOW different my personality can be at different times of the month.  Some days I can be the most peaceful, calm and loving person.  Other days I can be cuckoo-bingbong to the max, and my husband looks at me like "who the hell are you, crazy woman, and what have you done with my wife?"

For serious.

And then this week I stumbled upon this chart.  And oh how GREAT it would be to show you, with a little underline and a hyperlink on those words, the actual chart that I'm talking about.  Exxxxcept, I printed it out instead of saving the link.  And then cut and pasted it.  And then rested my coffee on it. So now it's not even worth scanning it to share it with you.

Anywho...back to my point.

The four phases of a women's cycle are so DRASTICALLY different, that it's not a wonder that many of us feel like we have multiple personality disorder sometimes.

Let me summarize my handy-dandy colour coded chart for you:

The pre-ovulatory phase, which lasts for 9 days - associated with the season of spring, the element of air, and brightening light.  Emotions are calm, dynamic, energetic, able to cope.  Libido is rising, feeling carefree.  A good time to start projects, clear out, catch up.  Relationships are easy going, trusting. A great time for new beginnings, exuberance, and self confidence.

The ovulatory phase, which lasts for around 5 days - associated with the season of Summer, a Motherly archetype, the element of earth, and full bright light..  Emotions are loving, nurturing, nourishing, sustaining, energized and connected.   Energy is full.  Libido is at its height.  A great tie to work hard, love well, birth creative projects.  In harmony with nature and other mothers.  Women in this phase are fertile, radiant, and caring.

The pre-menstrual phase, which lasts for around 9 days - associated with the season of Autumn, the element of fire.  Darkening light.  The Wild Woman/Enchantress archetype.  Energy is waning, destructive, and descending inwards.  Libido can come in peaks and troughs, can be very intense.  Immune system is lowered.  Towards the end we see bloating, tiredness, tender bodies, sugar and carb cravings, hostility, mood swings.  A good time to focus on assessment, inner directed projects, and taking action to deal with issues.  Need balance between dynamic interactions with others and focused creative time along. A magical, witchy, destructive, and intuitive time.

The menstrual phase, which lasts for around 5 days - associated with the season of WInter, the element of Water, the season of Winter, and the archetype of the Crone/ Wise Woman.  Absence of light. Energy is introspective, dreamy, sensitive, intuitive, spiritually connected.  Little desire for physical intimacy. Feeling crampy, tired, teary. A time to retreat and dream, do only what is essential.  Delay important or stressful decisions.  A desire to be alone or with other women.  A time to slow down and rest well.

Wow.

I sit back and look at all that we go through in a month, and I want to give myself and ALL OF YOU a pat on the back for being alive, being mostly sane, being good parents, running households, businesses, whatever it is that you manage to do without entirely losing ALL OF YOUR SANITY.

Seriously - pat yourself on the back.

Now...take a moment to imagine how wonderful it would be if we actually had the time, or made the time to HONOUR those emotions, those physical and spiritual desires that come with each phase.  To rest when we should rest, to create when we should create.  Wow...what powerhouses we would all be!

But I have a sneaking suspicion that MAKING the time to honour these emotions is more than worth it.  It involves planning, to be sure, and it won't always work.  But I think of myself, and how some weeks I can stay up late nights and nights on end, and work until midnight, and on other weeks I'm in bed by 9:30 every night, dead to the world.  A little bit of planning, to be seriously productive on those key days would go a long way.  And what if we planned vacations for weeks that we should actually be resting...what a crazy idea.

Or not!

I bought an agenda today.  And tomorrow I'm going to mark these "phases" in my agenda for the next few months, and work on honoring them.  Create when I am at my most creative, dream when I am at my most introspective, rest when my body needs rest.  I've also shared my colour coded chart with my husband - hopefully it will help him to understand me more, and not look at me like I've totally gone off the deep end some days. 

It will be an interesting experiment, to be sure!

Stay tuned... ;)